Drink Your Milk Zancrow!
by The German City
Summary: Kain and Rustyrose have noticed that whatever Zancrow eats, it doesn't include milk or related dairy foods. This makes them a bit concerned, so they attempt to give the God Slayer the necessary nutrition he needs. By force if they have to!


It had been overtime that he had noticed instead of right away. After all, you don't really pay attention to someone else's eating habits, especially if they eat things like fire. But Rustyrose had noticed that whenever Zancrow ate real food instead of fire, he never touched dairy products like milk or cheese. This gave Rustyrose a bit of concern for his fellow member of the Seven Kin, so he decided to consult some of the other members about it.

Hades himself had only given him a glare and tersely replied with, "If you're so curious, then find out for yourself." "Why does that matter to you?" Bluenote had growled out. Ultear had been reading a book of sorts and had completely ignored him. "It's never mattered to me what he does or doesn't eat," was the reply he received from Azuma, who was in the middle of training. Meredy only stared blankly at him when she had been asked. "I noticed before, but never really cared." was the response received from Caprico.

Finally, Rustyrose had arrived at the only senior member left available, Kain Hikaru. "He doesn't?" Kain had asked incredulously. "No, Kain. He doesn't." Rustyrose answered. "Not even ice cream?" He questioned, thrusting a cone of said frozen treat towards the silver-haired mage. "No, Kain. Not even ice cream." Rustyrose replied tiredly.

The very thought that someone was deliberately avoiding his favorite treat angered Kain. "Then we have to do something about it!" the fat mage shouted as he stood up with his eyes blazing. "My thoughts exactly." Rustyrose agreed.

LATER

"Is he there yet?" Kain asked impatiently as he and Rustyrose hid in the hallway leading to the airship's kitchen. "Not yet Kain," the Embodiment Mage answered as he peered around the corner of the doorway.

They had decided to try and fool Zancrow for their first attempt by disguising a bottle of milk as a bottle of Zancrow's favorite soda, and several cheese cubes as pieces of fudge they knew Zancrow liked. They had planted the bottle and cheese in the fridge in plain sight where Zancrow would see them when he went to get either a drink or a snack. The only hard part about this was that they had to be patient and wait to make sure that Zancrow actually drank the milk and ate the cheese.

"He's taking too long!" Kain quietly fumed as he and Rustyrose waited for the God Slayer to come around and find their bait. "Be quiet! I hear someone coming!" Rustyrose whispered harshly.

Sure enough, footsteps could be heard outside the other entrance to the ship's kitchen. Voices could also be heard as they approached the kitchen. Kain and Rustyrose held their breaths as they waited for the person to come into view, then deflated as it turned out to be Ultear and Meredy.

"-and that's why I consider Gray to be more of a threat than Lyon." Ultear said, finishing up explaining something to Meredy. "I see. Hey! Since we're here, why don't we get something?" Meredy offered, gesturing to the refrigerator.

Ultear smiled at her surrogate daughter. "Sure!" she accepted, striding towards the fridge and opening it up. Instantly, she spied the disguised items and thought of Zancrow, getting a nasty idea in the process. "Say Meredy. Why don't we take this stuff and eat it before Zancrow does?"

Meredy grinned at the idea of spiting the Flame God Slayer by eating the fudge he liked and drinking his favorite soda. "Why not?" Meredy stated as she grabbed the fudge container while Ultear snatched the soda bottle.

Out in the hallway, Rustyrose silently groaned as he witnessed his plan failing right in front of him, then suddenly stiffened as he remembered a crucial detail. "Uh-oh," Rustyrose muttered. "What's wrong?" Kain whispered. "I forgot to disguise the flavor of the milk and cheese," Rustyrose explained quietly.

Meredy ripped the top of the container off while Ultear uncapped the bottle. Meredy popped one of the disguised pieces into her mouth just as Ultear took a swig from the bottle. Instantly, they both tasted something completely different from what they expected. "Is this cheese?" Meredy asked aloud as she lifted another cube for inspection. "This taste, this is milk," Ultear observed as she scrutinized the bottle.

Ultear wondered why dairy products would be disguised as some of Zancrow's favorite snacks, then mentally deduced that someone was attempting to trick Zancrow into consuming them. Most likely Rustyrose, since he had come around asking about Zancrow's eating habits earlier.

"Why is-" Meredy began, but was cut short as Ultear said, "It was a trap for Zancrow." Meredy frowned at the statement. "Zancrow?" she asked. Ultear nodded in confirmation. "Should we tell him?" Meredy queried.

Ultear and Meredy shared a brief look, then simultaneously said, "Nah!"

Laughing, they set the food items on the table and left through the hallway Kain and Rustyrose were in, heading in the opposite direction so they didn't see their fellow Seven Kin members up against the wall. Once Ultear and Meredy were out of sight, Kain and Rustyrose walked into the kitchen and picked up the food items on the table.

"That's why you don't trust female mages Kain," Rustyrose said seriously, then sipped the milk in the container. "Why were they laughing like that?" Kain inquired as he ate some the cheese. "Who knows."

"You bastards!" The sudden shout instantly drew the pair's attention to the doorway, where there stood an extremely angry Zancrow.

Rustyrose was startled for a moment, then looked at the bottle in his hand and realized that it was still disguised as the God Slayer's favorite soda, and that the cheese was still disguised as fudge. "Wait, Zancrow! This isn't what it looks like!" the Embodiment Mage said, trying to placate Zancrow, but the God Slayer would have none of it, and proceeded to blast at them with black flames.

Having no other choice, Kain and Rustyrose proceeded to flee down the hallway away from the vengeful Flame God. "I get the feeling that this is going to take a long time," Rustyrose commented, to which Kain only nodded in agreement.

**The first chapter of my first humor story (Which I suspect I won't do very well on). Everyone who reads this is welcome to make suggestions in the reviews.  
Fairy Tail and its characters belong to Hiro Mashima, not me.**


End file.
